"What would comfort me is...

if you thought of your own death and thought more about life and not leave it too late, but to investigate what is the truth." Is something I've always wanted to tell my non-believing friends. They hear of my Dad having stage 2 Rectum Cancer and say "I don't really know how to comfort you" and I'm thankful they said that which then I can ask them to reflect upon their own lives and such a great opportunity!

But really, the comfort it brings when my non-believing friends find out for themselves, investigate what is the truth about life on earth, and tell me what they have concluded. A comfort that at least they aren't just taking things for what it is, cruising through life and get a rude shock on their death bed....or never questioning, to just live in accumulation of things and not consider the salvation of their souls which could also save their loved ones around them. Instead of brushing it aside and say all the positive things to me while ignoring and hoping without any real certain hope that things will get better for me. And when it does not, what do they do? They get stuck and don't really know what to do. Worse case is that they just hope death will come sooner as a form of relief...nooooo....not when there's a real and living hope, and eternal life being offered!

May my non-believing friends want to find out if Jesus is for real, a fake or a lunatic. If he is for real, to heed what he says, because he is coming back again to set all things right in this messed up world of ours and to bring us back to God! That's a real living hope because Jesus is alive, he conquered death to give us eternal life...O, how my soul is comforted by our great God who created us whether or not you believe!

One thing I want in this life

is for my Dad to be saved by Jesus (at this moment in time). Jesus, who ascended into heaven and descended from heaven, the only one whom my Dad needs to listen to about heaven, the only one my Dad needs to believe in, the only one who can reconcile my Dad to God whom he ignores and push away or pretend He's not there.

Oh! What I would give to see my Dad believing in Jesus before he dies.

Heart is in pain. Heart grieves. It's too painful.

It's so urgent!

Not sure how to face the day, if there will be a day and I'm hoping there won't be, but yet seeing my Dad's stubbornness, I might have to face the day where my Dad passes away without believing in Jesus. It's too painful. Really too painful. Can there not be any pain?

I can't change hearts. Can only trust in God who changes hearts. With man, saving ourselves is impossible, but with God, being saved by him is not impossible. It is possible with God who sent Jesus to die for our sins and reconcile us back to himself. It's never to perish, but to have eternal life. Never to die, never to cry, never to be in pain, never, never...

I love my Dad. God knows I love my Dad. God loves my Dad. God is really really patient with my Dad. I love my Dad. I don't want my Dad to just perish. To just think, once he dies, he'll just be ashes. I want my Dad to live. I want my Dad to have eternal life, a reconciled relationship with God (his Creator) through Jesus Christ.

John 3:9-15
⁹Nicodemus said to him, "How can these things be?" ¹⁰Jesus answered him, "Are you the teacher of Israel and yet you do not understand these things? ¹¹Truly, truly, I say to you, we speak of what we know, and bear witness to what we have seen, but you do not receive our testimony. ¹²If I have told you earthly things and you do not believe, how can you believe if I tell you heavenly things? ¹³ No one has ascended into heaven except he who descended from heaven, the Son of Man. ¹⁴And as Moses lifted up the serpent in the wilderness, so must the Son of Man be lifted up, ¹⁵that whoever believes in him may have eternal life.

New heart & new spirit

is what God says in Ezekiel 36:25-27.

Thank you Jesus for cleansing me
giving me a new heart
and putting a new spirit within me
Thank you for removing the heart of stone from my flesh
and giving me a heart of flesh
Thank you for putting your Spirit within me
causing me to walk in your statutes
and be careful to obey your rules

You are my God! You took the initiative, you know I can't ever do it by myself, my self-reliance is completely useless, I'm totally wretched. Thank you.

Gong Gong

I miss! Going to the history museum, somehow brought back memories of Gong Gong. I wish he was still around. I miss him! He was a firm, no nonsense, loving Gong Gong to me. He would spend the time sitting in the kitchen with a basin of cooked "lala" (clams) and one by one open it while all the grandkids queued up to have their chance to eat it, and this is after we have given proof that we have cleaned up our dinner plate and put it in the kitchen sink. When it rained, he would open the front door and look up into the sky and I would follow him and he'll say "ho lai low" (rain is coming) and I'll follow him saying it with my semi-english accented teochew. I miss my Gong Gong. At my age now, he would have brought insights and wisdom which I would savour and ponder.

Interesting how weekly family prayer all started, my Gong Gong went down on his knees and depended on God to provide his needs when he had only a few cents in his pocket, depending on God to be able to feed a family of 9 children. Things got rough during Japanese occupation of Singapore and he went down on his knees and even when Singapore got affluent, prayer meetings were still conducted weekly. How amazing! Praying for everyone in the family made us concern for each other and dependent on God, but there was the other side of it becoming too much of a habit and some may not understand it totally.

Hilda

my classmate passed away in her sleep due to epilepsy in Mar 2010. I still can't believe it. I still want to confirm by emailing her or going to see where her urn is placed. We exchanged FB messages and I was SO happy to have found her, but I didn't act fast enough to meet with her. Prayed for her hubby and 2 kids. It must be so difficult for them.

Me September 25, 2009 at 8:35am

are you really hilda from Class of Arts 2?

HH October 5, 2009 at 8:58pm

Yes lah. how can I contact you leh? Looks like its been a long and long time already.
hehehe

Me October 6, 2009 at 8:14am

ah! finally the REAL hilda! there's a little girl who has same name as you and she started accepting all the MG girls' friends request until she asked me something about being her friend and I'd realised that she's not the hilda i know! haha
how have you been? ya, its been a long long time!

H October 11, 2009 at 10:18pm

Ya, You saw my photos . They are my little kids. Hope you will recognise finally. Maybe you can contact me at xxxxx@singnet.com.sg. thanks

"Why oh why Lord?" I ask. And yet again, go back to his word...

Open discussions

about Christianity, not feeling like I'm in a forced situation, being able to just come and investigate and ask my questions about Christianity and left to myself to think about it. Not having the feeling that I must convert and not being asked at every meeting on whether I believe and making sure I do believe. Just hanging out, figuring it out. It's lacking somehow, as some non-Christian friends of mine feel. There seems to be a forced feeling. Is it the result of how outreach is done by mega churches? Is that really true? Or is it all down to the person and combination of persons itself? Can't it be like some financial seminars or makeup sessions where you just come to check out what it's about and then decide if you subscribe to it and if it's really true, then go off to find out more after the seminar/session?

Why is it that in western countries, people can come and investigate Christianity without any feelings of obligation or mystic where once you step into church, you're doomed to being christian ?(and there's no such thing btw) Why does that only exist in asian countries? Why can't asians just come and investigate and check out what Christianity is about and have a grasp of why Christians believe what they believe? There isn't anything magical in stepping into church or going to a home for bible study. Maybe person feels like they know it all already? But how can anyone know everything completely? How to be objective and not have bias-ness? Or maybe that's not possible?

Maybe for socials, it's less threatening? But, it's the same, right? Only difference is that in a social, you're concentrating on 1 activity.

Why so much resistance? When asians say they wish for open discussions about religion/beliefs, but don't want to investigate or are resistant to open discussions, what does that mean? Why is there somehow more openness in western countries compared to asian countries? Are asian countries more dogmatic in nature, as seen in some governments and especially family structures? I wonder.

Funny how people think people convert people. That's not possible, since a person is not able to change hearts of people. Even if one says loving people will change hearts, but how long can that last? Ultimately, it's God's work in changing hearts and opening minds, not ours since we're only creatures. Such a relief it's not our provocative since we have such messed up lives.

Reunion

20 years later...amazing! 7 tables, 70 girls in total, some married, some singles, some with kids, some divorced, some remarried, some caring for aged parents, etc. All same age, and so much has happened in our lives since leaving school, but strangely, being together, brought me back to school days where all of us were the same, just a teenager and enjoying our school days. How interesting that after chatting with some, I remember what they were like in school days and seeing them now, though some have changed visually, they are still them! Told V that she's really V. hehe! I think their look and me remembering what they were like in school days, didn't seem to click until I had a longer chat with them.

All the usual questions came up, but the one I had different responses was "What are you doing now?". My diff responses were "I'm standing here talking to you?", "Do you mean work-wise or family-wise?". At one point, wanted to ask "Do you still believe in God? Do you know Jesus? Or are you adverse Christianity?"since you were in a mission school where every Monday was chapel and listening to message by the chaplain.

Just struck me that as a teenager, our personalities really stay with us until adulthood. The different routes, choices we make, ends up with us being the way we are and how we look at things. Pray that my dear school friends who aren't believers yet, will come to know Jesus and believe in him, just cos at the name of Jesus, every knee will bow in heaven, on earth and under the earth, and every tongue will confess Jesus Christ is Lord, to the glory of God the Father (Phil 2: 5-11). Pray that those who are believers, will keep walking his ways, waiting and looking forward to Jesus' return!