"What would comfort me is...

if you thought of your own death and thought more about life and not leave it too late, but to investigate what is the truth." Is something I've always wanted to tell my non-believing friends. They hear of my Dad having stage 2 Rectum Cancer and say "I don't really know how to comfort you" and I'm thankful they said that which then I can ask them to reflect upon their own lives and such a great opportunity!

But really, the comfort it brings when my non-believing friends find out for themselves, investigate what is the truth about life on earth, and tell me what they have concluded. A comfort that at least they aren't just taking things for what it is, cruising through life and get a rude shock on their death bed....or never questioning, to just live in accumulation of things and not consider the salvation of their souls which could also save their loved ones around them. Instead of brushing it aside and say all the positive things to me while ignoring and hoping without any real certain hope that things will get better for me. And when it does not, what do they do? They get stuck and don't really know what to do. Worse case is that they just hope death will come sooner as a form of relief...nooooo....not when there's a real and living hope, and eternal life being offered!

May my non-believing friends want to find out if Jesus is for real, a fake or a lunatic. If he is for real, to heed what he says, because he is coming back again to set all things right in this messed up world of ours and to bring us back to God! That's a real living hope because Jesus is alive, he conquered death to give us eternal life...O, how my soul is comforted by our great God who created us whether or not you believe!

One thing I want in this life

is for my Dad to be saved by Jesus (at this moment in time). Jesus, who ascended into heaven and descended from heaven, the only one whom my Dad needs to listen to about heaven, the only one my Dad needs to believe in, the only one who can reconcile my Dad to God whom he ignores and push away or pretend He's not there.

Oh! What I would give to see my Dad believing in Jesus before he dies.

Heart is in pain. Heart grieves. It's too painful.

It's so urgent!

Not sure how to face the day, if there will be a day and I'm hoping there won't be, but yet seeing my Dad's stubbornness, I might have to face the day where my Dad passes away without believing in Jesus. It's too painful. Really too painful. Can there not be any pain?

I can't change hearts. Can only trust in God who changes hearts. With man, saving ourselves is impossible, but with God, being saved by him is not impossible. It is possible with God who sent Jesus to die for our sins and reconcile us back to himself. It's never to perish, but to have eternal life. Never to die, never to cry, never to be in pain, never, never...

I love my Dad. God knows I love my Dad. God loves my Dad. God is really really patient with my Dad. I love my Dad. I don't want my Dad to just perish. To just think, once he dies, he'll just be ashes. I want my Dad to live. I want my Dad to have eternal life, a reconciled relationship with God (his Creator) through Jesus Christ.

John 3:9-15
⁹Nicodemus said to him, "How can these things be?" ¹⁰Jesus answered him, "Are you the teacher of Israel and yet you do not understand these things? ¹¹Truly, truly, I say to you, we speak of what we know, and bear witness to what we have seen, but you do not receive our testimony. ¹²If I have told you earthly things and you do not believe, how can you believe if I tell you heavenly things? ¹³ No one has ascended into heaven except he who descended from heaven, the Son of Man. ¹⁴And as Moses lifted up the serpent in the wilderness, so must the Son of Man be lifted up, ¹⁵that whoever believes in him may have eternal life.

New heart & new spirit

is what God says in Ezekiel 36:25-27.

Thank you Jesus for cleansing me
giving me a new heart
and putting a new spirit within me
Thank you for removing the heart of stone from my flesh
and giving me a heart of flesh
Thank you for putting your Spirit within me
causing me to walk in your statutes
and be careful to obey your rules

You are my God! You took the initiative, you know I can't ever do it by myself, my self-reliance is completely useless, I'm totally wretched. Thank you.

Gong Gong

I miss! Going to the history museum, somehow brought back memories of Gong Gong. I wish he was still around. I miss him! He was a firm, no nonsense, loving Gong Gong to me. He would spend the time sitting in the kitchen with a basin of cooked "lala" (clams) and one by one open it while all the grandkids queued up to have their chance to eat it, and this is after we have given proof that we have cleaned up our dinner plate and put it in the kitchen sink. When it rained, he would open the front door and look up into the sky and I would follow him and he'll say "ho lai low" (rain is coming) and I'll follow him saying it with my semi-english accented teochew. I miss my Gong Gong. At my age now, he would have brought insights and wisdom which I would savour and ponder.

Interesting how weekly family prayer all started, my Gong Gong went down on his knees and depended on God to provide his needs when he had only a few cents in his pocket, depending on God to be able to feed a family of 9 children. Things got rough during Japanese occupation of Singapore and he went down on his knees and even when Singapore got affluent, prayer meetings were still conducted weekly. How amazing! Praying for everyone in the family made us concern for each other and dependent on God, but there was the other side of it becoming too much of a habit and some may not understand it totally.

Hilda

my classmate passed away in her sleep due to epilepsy in Mar 2010. I still can't believe it. I still want to confirm by emailing her or going to see where her urn is placed. We exchanged FB messages and I was SO happy to have found her, but I didn't act fast enough to meet with her. Prayed for her hubby and 2 kids. It must be so difficult for them.

Me September 25, 2009 at 8:35am

are you really hilda from Class of Arts 2?

HH October 5, 2009 at 8:58pm

Yes lah. how can I contact you leh? Looks like its been a long and long time already.
hehehe

Me October 6, 2009 at 8:14am

ah! finally the REAL hilda! there's a little girl who has same name as you and she started accepting all the MG girls' friends request until she asked me something about being her friend and I'd realised that she's not the hilda i know! haha
how have you been? ya, its been a long long time!

H October 11, 2009 at 10:18pm

Ya, You saw my photos . They are my little kids. Hope you will recognise finally. Maybe you can contact me at xxxxx@singnet.com.sg. thanks

"Why oh why Lord?" I ask. And yet again, go back to his word...

Open discussions

about Christianity, not feeling like I'm in a forced situation, being able to just come and investigate and ask my questions about Christianity and left to myself to think about it. Not having the feeling that I must convert and not being asked at every meeting on whether I believe and making sure I do believe. Just hanging out, figuring it out. It's lacking somehow, as some non-Christian friends of mine feel. There seems to be a forced feeling. Is it the result of how outreach is done by mega churches? Is that really true? Or is it all down to the person and combination of persons itself? Can't it be like some financial seminars or makeup sessions where you just come to check out what it's about and then decide if you subscribe to it and if it's really true, then go off to find out more after the seminar/session?

Why is it that in western countries, people can come and investigate Christianity without any feelings of obligation or mystic where once you step into church, you're doomed to being christian ?(and there's no such thing btw) Why does that only exist in asian countries? Why can't asians just come and investigate and check out what Christianity is about and have a grasp of why Christians believe what they believe? There isn't anything magical in stepping into church or going to a home for bible study. Maybe person feels like they know it all already? But how can anyone know everything completely? How to be objective and not have bias-ness? Or maybe that's not possible?

Maybe for socials, it's less threatening? But, it's the same, right? Only difference is that in a social, you're concentrating on 1 activity.

Why so much resistance? When asians say they wish for open discussions about religion/beliefs, but don't want to investigate or are resistant to open discussions, what does that mean? Why is there somehow more openness in western countries compared to asian countries? Are asian countries more dogmatic in nature, as seen in some governments and especially family structures? I wonder.

Funny how people think people convert people. That's not possible, since a person is not able to change hearts of people. Even if one says loving people will change hearts, but how long can that last? Ultimately, it's God's work in changing hearts and opening minds, not ours since we're only creatures. Such a relief it's not our provocative since we have such messed up lives.

Reunion

20 years later...amazing! 7 tables, 70 girls in total, some married, some singles, some with kids, some divorced, some remarried, some caring for aged parents, etc. All same age, and so much has happened in our lives since leaving school, but strangely, being together, brought me back to school days where all of us were the same, just a teenager and enjoying our school days. How interesting that after chatting with some, I remember what they were like in school days and seeing them now, though some have changed visually, they are still them! Told V that she's really V. hehe! I think their look and me remembering what they were like in school days, didn't seem to click until I had a longer chat with them.

All the usual questions came up, but the one I had different responses was "What are you doing now?". My diff responses were "I'm standing here talking to you?", "Do you mean work-wise or family-wise?". At one point, wanted to ask "Do you still believe in God? Do you know Jesus? Or are you adverse Christianity?"since you were in a mission school where every Monday was chapel and listening to message by the chaplain.

Just struck me that as a teenager, our personalities really stay with us until adulthood. The different routes, choices we make, ends up with us being the way we are and how we look at things. Pray that my dear school friends who aren't believers yet, will come to know Jesus and believe in him, just cos at the name of Jesus, every knee will bow in heaven, on earth and under the earth, and every tongue will confess Jesus Christ is Lord, to the glory of God the Father (Phil 2: 5-11). Pray that those who are believers, will keep walking his ways, waiting and looking forward to Jesus' return!

My dear single friends,

we need relationships yar. Please don't exist by yourself, although you might have gotten used to it and working at relationships (whether family or friendships) requires effort and a vulnerability, but for those who believe in Jesus, our security is in what he has done for us and for God sending Jesus to bring us back in relationship to himself, no longer enemies with him, no longer just plain ignoring him or pretending he's not there.

We were made for relationships and with the greatest relationship with God being reconciled, all other relationships will then draw strength and lots of wisdom and crying to our Lord and checking of ourselves, watching our lives and our doctrine, confessing and repenting, and starting again ya.

Relationships will sharpen you as we encourage and admonish each other, building each other up in godliness, challenging each other in the way we live our lives in view of our gospel priorities and to become more like Jesus and all together, waiting and looking forward to Jesus' return where all will recognise and bow their knee to him.

To my married friends who have included me in your family life just by letting me veg at your place, including me in your family meals, asking me to help you with babysitting or run errands or just hang out, really appreciate it. Showed me how marrieds & singles would be in God's family. Sharing your married/parenthood struggles with me and I sharing my singlehood/caring for aging parents struggles with you, and us praying for each other, is really precious and treasured!! Thanking the Lord for you all =)

my mum

has expressed that she wants me to spend more time on my painting/art and music, rather than learning to cook dishes. Maybe she has a secret wish I'll be an artist or musician, but being typical asian parent, she wanted me to be an accountant or some other kind of professional when I was growing up. And because she has always cooked for the family, she doesn't want me to cook, even though she has taught me how to cook so that when she's not at home, I can do it myself. My mum's funny! You have to laugh because if I had pursued art and music, and not earning enough to even pay my bills, she might not have encouraged it.

Sometimes I do tell her that isn't it far better to know that her children are saved by the Lord rather than what profession they're in or what education they pursue or whether they're getting themselves married? She say yes, but really it isn't her total heart's desire. Anyway, all will be revealed when Jesus returns.

AMD & MTERA

is similar to the generic term of a Living Will, and in Australia according to my sister, there's also a different terminology. Hence, here I go finding out what the Singapore law states which is similar to it. Basically if I'm brain dead or terminally ill or in coma, I don't want to be resuscitated by artificial means just because medical bills are very high nowadays and it'll be a burden on my parents and sister.

Advance Medical Directive (AMD) by Ministry of Health (MOH) - have submitted it, so no resuscitation, just naturally die off. Although if I'm left to myself and I have cough/phlegm, urine infection, the doctors will treat me. My handsome neighbourhood doctor, Dr Eugene Lim, has gone through it in detail, as in the circumstances I'll be in and what doctors will do, and he will sign it with a second witness (possibly his nurse), and off it goes to be registered. It will only take effect when it has been registered, so have to wait for a month later, then will receive acknowledgement of receipt from AMD people. Dr Lim said sometimes it's a grey area for doctors on what to treat sometimes. But hey, it's alright, all under God's hands, as we pray for wisdom for the doctors, whoever we may be under. And though we may have these plans, God's plans will be first & foremost, and it's wonderful to be under such a great God who initiated a relationship with us, his creation.

Human Organ Transplant Act (HOTA) - 4 organs are donated upon death, all Singaporeans are included and hence I'm happy to be auto-included. So, no action needed from me.

If all organs to be donated, then check out The Medical (Therapy, Education and Research) Act (MTERA). Need 2 witnesses, can be family or friends. Will be asking 2 church friends to help be my witnesses and so at least 2 persons in church family are aware of what I've signed up for.

So, dear relatives and friends, just for you to know, although my family should know what to do.

Me who is of sound mind =)

Basically, after death, I'll be back to my eternal home with Jesus, and waiting for the rest of you who also believe in Jesus and hoping/praying that the Lord has mercy on the rest of you who don't believe in Jesus. (John 3:36 Whoever believes in the Son has eternal life; whoever does not obey the Son shall not see life, but the wrath of God remains on him)

It's a wish of mine that a bible is given together with my organs to the person receiving my organs and to the lab scientists/researches doing their stuff on my organs, no need to write any name or whom the bible is from, but I think cannot. So my brothers & sisters-in-Christ, you just give away bibles to those who come to my funeral and who don't believe in Jesus, ok? Just cos God's word is eternal and will last more than my words which fail. (1 Peter 1:24-25 ..."All flesh is like grass and all its glory like the flower of grass. The grass withers, and the flower falls, but the word of the Lord remains forever." ...)

I don't really want any of my family and friends to talk about me during my funeral, since they won't even be able to say all the bad stuff about me and will only say the good stuff which isn't a true picture of me, a forgiven sinner. =) But the gospel/good news be preached by my pastor friend, for the sake of those who are living in this fallen world and Jesus be proclaimed to all my friends & family. Closure amongst my family and friends can be done in small groups lah, as they pray for their own family and friends who haven't yet believe in Jesus, as we look to Jesus' sure return! (1 Peter 3:18 For Christ also suffered once for sins, the righteous for the unrighteous, that he might bring us to God, ...)

Stars and suicide

still come as a shock, especially those like Park Yong Ha who you think is able to take on good projects and is a versatile actor. Yet, trying to cope with family matters and career matters took a toll plus accumulation of debts and having insomnia. I still remember the day I woke up on 30th June at 5.30am and could not sleep. And at that point, someone in another country commits suicide.

Oh, how urgent it is to tell people about Jesus and for them to come into relationship with him who saves and gives us a certain/definite hope amidst all that we have to handle in our fallen world. His words do give life, why don't we listen? Why don't we ponder about what Jesus has said? Why don't we investigate and get to know Jesus better but would rather rely on ourselves who are so frail and limited and have no control over anything? Having such a relationship with our Creator God, what more do people want? A future to look forward to, a present faithful relationship to rely on while we wait for Jesus' return, amidst God's patience with a people who rebel, ignore and pretend he doesn't exist.

Lives are precious and God who breathed his breath in us knows that, why else would he send Jesus to save us from our eternal death, eternal separation from him?

5-minute chocolate mug cake

is SO easy! Love it that it's all miniaturized =) Recipe can be found here.

Context is AGAIN powerful

and Yes! yet AGAIN context is powerful. The depth of reading God's word in context makes understanding all the more fuller.

Learnt the following key words which is used to remember the book of Exodus, very helpful. Kudos to Andrew Sach for teaching it to God's people!

Beatings, Bush
Plagues, Passover
Water, Whingeing
Father-in-law, Fear
Case-law, Covenant
Taber-
Calf, Cleft
-nacle

Just think, you read about the 10 commandments and know that it was given after the Lord rescued the Israelites from Egypt since Exodus 20:2 says "I am the LORD your God, who brought you out of the land of Egypt, out of the house of slavery". So, it wasn't because they were given the 10 commandments in order to be saved, but it all started after the Lord rescued/saved them from slavery, then the Lord gave the 10 commandments.

But, what happened before the 10 commandments? All THESE....
Beatings, Bush,
Plagues, Passover,
Water, Whingeing,
Father-in-law, Fear
That's a huge lot of what had happened before the 10 commandments were given. All that happened in the Lord's relationship with his people. Puts everything in perspective when reading the 10 commandments.

It's amazing the Lord's relationship with his people. If only people would want to know the Lord, if only people didn't assume they know the Lord...

Exodus 34:6-7
"The LORD, the LORD, a God merciful and gracious, slow to anger, and abounding in steadfast love and faithfulness, keeping steadfast love for thousands, forgiving iniquity and transgression and sin, but who will by no means clear the guilty, visiting the iniquity of the fathers on the children and the children's children, to the third and fourth generation"

"We're all totally powerless"

says Anthony Hopkins, age 72, where he was guest on the show "Inside the Actor's Studio". He must have learnt something through his many years of acting to come to that conclusion. Why is it that in his acting profession, there is power or one would think one is powerful or people think one is powerful? In any profession, it certainly gives you that blurred reality.

What Anthony Hopkins (age 72) said during his second visit on "Inside the Actor's Studio" where his audience were budding actors:
enjoy the (acting) profession as it enfolds for you
think the best
enfold, let go, surrender, if you want it, it will happen
just surrender and let go of it
it has nothing to do with you
none of us have any power
we're all totally powerless
that's the great comfort

It's interesting how he kept repeating "we're totally powerless" during the interview and made a last point about it as the show ended.

I wonder if after he had worked for so long, he knew there was a perception of power which people think they have. In other professions, there is too. It could be more pronounced for those in professions where the product is $.

We're all totally powerless. Only God is powerful! He resurrected Jesus from the dead! Wow!

Scallop and Corn Chowder

is what you do when your mum gives you excess frozen scallops from CNY (chinese new year). Took recipe from Real Simple. Had all the ingredients except the cream which was first time buying. Feels like this is unhealthy, but hey, worth giving it a try, since I've never made chowder and thought all chowders are the same anyway. haha!

A pic of the final product. Taste-wise is ok, although my taste buds aren't really the chef type, so I'll need to do this again for someone who will be my guinea pig =P then I'll know if I can offer it to others to eat.

"I'm nearly home"

was Mark Ashton's last words. It shocked me to learn of his passing on 3 Apr 2010 at the end of an article he wrote. Read the article with lots of "Amen brother!" and to be hit with news of his passing at the end made my Amens stop and a sadness sinking in, yet a smile to the Lord for taking Mark home. Made me also want to be home too, as I think of a friend E who passed away in 2001, at the age of 33 years old. I saw her on Saturday night as we read the bible together, and she passed away the next day, Sunday. A common friend M said E must be having a good time now being with our Lord Jesus. I miss E! She challenged me, she annoyed me, she was scary sometimes, she had a humour only some could take, I miss E! Christians are all on their way home, I want to be home, and see E and Mark again, so it would be "see you", rather than "bye", only because Jesus will gather all of us together.

Hopes everyone will read Mark's article, it truly reminds of what reality is. And for those who aren't believers, to consider the hope which Jesus brings, Jesus who has resurrected and is alive and will return to set all things right here on earth!

Newspaper article here on Mark.

Punishing kids

the Asian way still needs to be thought through...some examples:

• Parent: If you don't eat your vegetables, I'll call the police
• Parent: If you don't take your medicine, I'll call the doctor/nurse to punish you
• Parent: If you insist on your way, I'll leave you here and go back on my own

Somehow, police/doctor/nurses all become really scary to small kids.

What is the main aim of punishment? To correct the kids, enforce discipline, train them in God's ways, isn't it?

Why is it that only Asians call on another authoritarian profession to help them in times of need? When they can't cope with the kid's behaviour? Taking medicine to make one better and the kid not liking the taste of the medicine seems to not be mentioned. And linking doctors/nurses as horrible people who make you take the horrible medicine is quite a put off.

Do Westerners do that too? I wonder.

And why is it all threats? Wouldn't that create insecurity in a child? I wonder.

Why not deprive a child of his/her favourite thing, and only when they behave, do we then reward them? And lavish all praise and hugs when they do behave and especially if they behave without being asked to, wouldn't that be a better enforcement? Alot to observe in a child.

Conclusion: Alot of trial and error bringing up kids, as we struggle with our own sin. Seeing also in ourselves what we pick up from our own parents or others around us, and seeing the struggles within ourselves as we try to nurture a small life amidst the chaos.

Skilled workmen

are such a help!

• Contractors who do small repair jobs.
• Rubbish bin cleaners who clear 100 families (1 flat) worth of rubbish have such strong muscles, helping to carry down my rusted bed frame and folding it into pieces in order to fit into a small HDB lift.
• Installation/Assembly/Delivery men who are so careful when delivering stuff into house and assembling it when they are so tired out and sweating from transporting it up to flat. They are truly efficient and really appreciate those who clean up after they finish their work.

Appreciate! Appreciate! It's a big matter to one who has an injured neck/back. The amount of energy and muscle power. Pray for them that their health will keep up with the kind of work they do in order to feed their families. May they stay away from vices and come to know our Creator God who made them and sustains them daily. Maybe I should have given them a gospel track? Hmm...missed opportunity...

Funeral of parents

is the next stage of life which my generation is at, after having almost exhausted the weddings and new births period. 2 friends/acquaintances had their dads' passing away during these two weeks.

E's dad - 63 years old
R's dad - 73 years old

Thought of my Dad (78) & Mum (71)...hopes someone will read bible with them...it's a niche ministry!!

Kids' pneumonia

is so scary. 2 friends had their boys being hospitalised just last week. Both had similar progression. Pneumonia - bacteria in blood - wheezing - cough - liquid in lungs - pus in lungs. 1 was more severe than the other because 1 was generally weak in nature since a baby. So, the weaker one had 2 surgeries (really don't like surgeries due to the complications it involves). These kids are only 3 years and 5 years old.

So burdened and worried for my friends and the pain of seeing tubes in a child so small. Everything the doctors and nurses had to deal with was shrunked and tiny.

Had nightmare one night of me trying to unclog my kitchen pipes with a strong cleaner. THEN as I poured the cleaner the kitchen sink started disappearing and I screamed! Not knowing how to stop it from disappearing. At that moment, my friend's kid was with me and he played with the cleaner and poured it onto his hands and he screamed and was crying and I quickly grabbed him to rinse it away at the disappearing sink. I was crying and panicking and saying 'silly boy' to him. Then I woke up. The feelings were horrible! If being Aunty is already filled with such emotions/feelings, what more a parent seeing their child in hospital and the kid being miserable with tubes stuck to his body and feeling all sick.

Went to see kid M and tried to cheer him up with a dancing robot. Just thought a dancing robot was a funny creation and he could sing a song as it danced. My heart dropped when I saw him, he lost weight due to funny medicine taste remaining in his mouth. Thankfully he ate abit more of his dinner than usual. Prayed for him that he will learn to trust God, our Creator, and not in himself.

Thankfully both kids are on their way to recovery. Keep parents' health and their siblings' health in prayer during this time. So much to rely on our Lord who is ever so faithful to us =)