Forgetful
No appetite, but have to eat, and feel nauseous after eating
High stress levels
Wake up middle of night or wake up in early morn although slept late
Can't verbalise though its all in the mind
Bad decisions or can't make decisions
Not rational or objective
Emotional
Giving up easily, no perseverance
Snacking alot more, snacking as main meals
Increase in weight
Drown in loud music, dvds, retail theraphy as temporary relief though silly cos all temporal and of the world
Running out of ideas of where to go
Getting dressed stressful/tiring
Dread being in a crowd of people to get to know or just a hi/bye to those know by name
Tired of questions being asked which equates to productivity/usefulness of person, or ask for sake of asking or for sake of making conversation with no interest in person's relationship with God
Inconsistencies
Ignore God sometimes, not listening to him or even wanting to when waking up in the morning or before going to sleep at night or all day-time
Not able to maintain discipline, goes hay-wire or done once and it stops until months, possibly years later
Guilt
Passive
Withdrawn
Frustrated
Enjoy alot of time alone
Can't follow-up on people and what happens in their lives
Tendencies to latch on yet resist cos man will fail
Impatience with people who only think about themselves or think they're right
Can't think for people
Switch off when advice given with good intentions but with no real understanding of situation
Keep quiet when know can't converse or person not listening
Rage/Anger
Do not like empathy from people or people trying to give/show value to other
Convoluted
somethings not right but even normally is everything really alright? when things go too smoothly, have to ask if its too smooth? or is that like seeking out something just for the sake of it or its too good to be true or just plain pessimistic? complicated. confused. need clarity! need big picture which only our gracious God can give. nobody is as strong as they look. greatest man fall too and pride sometimes is the reason. and it could be facing so much opposition to fight against, sometimes it gets blurry.
sin in me
long for Jesus' return, long for God's discipline, long for judgement to be meted out so can move on and not swing between now but not yet
scared of God letting go
truly recalcitrant
falling quite badly
2 comments:
God will not let go and forsake His people ... Do not fear!
Hello... I happened upon your blog - when I should actually be working. But it caught my eye because I'm starting Cornhill in September and you have some very interesting blogs. Thanks very much indeed for them.
Are you really feeling so down as you sound in your latest blog? If so - I can relate - and so I want to remind you about something... in case it isn't just a well articulated poem... a relationship with God cannot be one sided. Keep reading your bible... keep praying DAILY and keep holding on to Him. It's not easy but remember Abraham. He was told by our unseen God to leave his land, riches etc, and spend the rest of his life in tents never seeing the land God promised him - but he did it by faith and it was credited to him as richeousness (probably spelt wrong)! God did, however, deliver on his promise and that's what we must hold on to. God never lies and he will keep his word - that all the problems of this world will go. But for now... thank God that we have time to bring other's to Him. Much Christian love
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